Lilly and I had a little adventure today.
Partially fueled by a photography assignment I’m working on for school, partially fueled by my longing not to miss out on the famous D.C. cherry blossoms before we move on to the next place and mostly wanting to miss out on the swarms that will be arriving for peak bloom next week!
So just after big sis headed off to school, little one and I made a mandatory Starbucks stop then headed into the city.
It hasn’t always been easy going places with this particular little one in tow. She loathes car rides and thinks running away from mom and dad in public is just hilarious. I won’t even mention all of the other factors that go into deciding if a trip out of the house is doable with a nap schedule and frequent meals to contend with! Even with Nate home to help wrangle the wild nugget, straying too far from the comfort zone of our home is a daunting prospect! Plus, over-analyzer over here came up with a hundred different things that “needed to get done” and tried to justify not going at all in the name of trying to get ahead on some household chores.
But today was different.
We were up and at ’em early, the weather was sunny and delightful and I realized that if we were ever going to go anywhere and do anything that we had to just go. I’ll tell ya, for a careful-planner like myself, that’s not easy to do. Letting go of the artificial urgency to get everything done NOW and telling myself that I can do some of it when we get back was absolutely freeing. Not only did it allow me to fully enjoy our time at the Jefferson Memorial, mentally, but physically my heart rate wasn’t racing out of control and my blood pressure wasn’t sky high with anxiety over the things that weren’t getting done.
I realized that for so long, my value and my worth came from the amount of things I was able to handle at once and how many tasks I could successfully complete in a day. This is why I’ve always struggled with putting things off for later and pausing to enjoy the present. I felt (and still do feel) most valuable when I completed yet another task to the best of my ability. And let me tell ya, as a stay-at-home-mom and even more so as a military wife, valued is a feeling not often felt.
It’s taken time, but since having Lilly it’s been necessary to scale back my expectations for myself (and for others but that’s a whole other story!) and reckon with the fact that I can’t do it all and do it all perfectly. I’ve had to turn to the true source of my value, Jesus Christ to remember that God has my future planned out (Jeremiah 29:11), did not design me to worry or be stressed all the time bearing burdens by myself (Matthew 11:28-30), sent his only Son to die for my salvation and everlasting life (Romans 5:8; John 3:16), and has always/will always provide for myself and my family (Matthew 7:7).
There is such strength and confidence in knowing that the Almighty, who created the earth and everything/everyone in it is looking out for my best interest!
Like all good things though, learning to keep my expectations at a realistic level and getting out of my comfort zone as far as putting some things off until later without stressing goes, it’s going to take practice and consistent, conscious effort to make this a permanent lifestyle change. I’ll be looking forward to the day when I can write a post about “how I did it!” 😉